Why is it so hard to understand someone we love in the heat of conflict?

No partner can heal our childhood wounds.

Parents and babies are in sync only 30 per cent of the time. What matters is finding the way back.

Like a panda copying his keepers' grimace, we repeat defences learned in childhood, but what was learned can change.

Our brains see what they expect, in optical illusions and in our partners. Generosity is the antidote.